Chicks are Stupid

For a change, Adam Carolla quoted me today.  In all fairness, he doesn’t know he quoted me.  But he started talking about the now-famous TIME Magazine cover, and he was able to say to about a half a million listeners two things I’ve been saying for years:

1)      No one is “against” breastfeeding.  I mean, for arguments sake, let’s say 99% of people have no problem with breastfeeding.  Maybe there is some weirdo out there who thinks it’s wrong/evil.  But I’ve never met anyone who is against it. 

2)     There are plenty of people who are against having to see it.  You may be the biggest supporter of breastfeeding until your kid can chew steak (love S&TC!), but you can still be opposed to having to see it at the mall. 

I get that TIME was trying to get us talking.  It worked.  One of my friends said this photo left her “speechless”.  Well it’s left me speechful!  So here goes:

The title “Are You Mom Enough” implies that the attachment parenting practice of breastfeeding without weaning makes you more of a mom.  So let’s offer our apologies to all the same-sex couples who adopt.  And the foster mom with a houseful of special-needs children.  Oh, and to parenting author Teresa Strasser who stopped producing enough milk to meet her baby’s needs.  You’re all just not “enough”.

Now listen hard and listen good, mompetitors:  Shut your collective fucking pie holes.  Enough with thinking you are so high and fucking mighty because you did or did not go back to work after having a baby.  Or because you did or did not breastfeed.  Or because you did or did not Ferberize.  Or because you do or do not have a nanny. 

And the worst part?  You moms are using reasons like this to not be friends with other moms. Well have at it ladies.  Tear each other down for momming differently than you.  I’d like to see all you mommier-than-thou broads bare-knuckle box until one of you is left standing and crowned…

Crowned what? This isn’t a fucking contest, and you don’t win in the end.  Unless you’re hoping to win the Judgmental Bitch award (which you may pry from my cold, dead hands). There is more than one way to parent.  Your way isn’t the “right” way; it’s just your way.

I’ll leave you with the following regarding parenting: Mayim Bialik is a practitioner of attachment parenting.  I heard her interviewed on “The Parent Experiment”* podcast.  She’s an excellent voice to put with the practice because she showed absolutely no judgment towards how others parent.  Her attitude towards other moms can only be described as refreshing.  She said every parent needs to do what works for their family, and this is what works for hers.  Fuck yeah, Blossom!  

*”The Parent Experiment” has been renamed “For Crying Out Loud”.  PLEASE go to iTunes, find this episode with Mayim, and hear that there are moms out there who don’t care about what you do with your stupid kid.