People have told me that marriage is hard. But ya know something? I don’t think it’s supposed to be. And if yours is, maybe you’re making it hard.
Allow me to present a term my friend, Jessica, coined: BDMG. We were talking about this guy she worked with, and someone asked if he was attractive. That’s when Jess answered, “Eh, he’s got that beat-down, married guy look.” And with that sentence, gold was struck.
The quintessential BDMG is married with young kids and has sex about once a month. His wife is always pissed at him. If he works late, she’s pissed that he doesn’t spend enough time with his kids. If he prefers spending time with his kids to hard work, then she’s pissed that he doesn’t make enough money. When she’s exhausted and needs his help with the kids, she won’t ask for it. Then she’ll be pissed that he doesn’t help her. She’ll pick fights with him over laundry, the kids, money, anything. And to punish him, she doesn’t have sex with him. He has no idea why.
Sound complicated? Allow me to simplify: A chick stands before her friends, family, and God and vows to love, honor, and cherish her future husband. A few years down the road, she’s having a throw-down, drag em’ out screaming fit with him because he put the ketchup back in the wrong spot in the fridge.
I read a book by Donna Antebi called “The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper”. The book kinda sucked, but she made a valid point: Give your husband a break. Take 30 seconds to pick up his socks rather than 5 minutes to beat him down about them.
‘Cuz while you, Mrs. BDMG, are busy beatin’ the life out of him, guess who isn’t? The new chick at work. She laughs at his jokes. She never nags him about anything. She doesn’t understand why you don’t appreciate him, and she tells him so. And if you don’t stop beating down your married guy, she will be glad to sleep with him more than once a month. If he ever thought about cheating, you could be one good fight-about-condiments away from pushing him into this tramp’s bed.
Now if you want to start with me and say that men suck, your husband beats you, cheats on you, or is hooked on some sort of substance, I’m not talking about you. And FYI, you should probably get out of that before I start calling you stupid. But if your husband is kind to you, loves your kids, and does his best to provide, then stop jumping his shit for stupid reasons. Let him go have a beer with friends once in awhile without being pissed about it. Forget about how he loaded the dishwasher wrong. And for the love of all things, have sex with him more than once a month.
Another thing I applaud Antebi for is telling women to stay married. I like to tell my friends who bitch about their husbands that if being married to him is bad, being divorced from him will be worse. First he was the guy who didn’t do the yard work or spend enough time with you; now he’s the guy who sees his kids two weekends a month and isn’t paying enough child support. Oh, and that new girl from work? She sleeps over when your kids are there. Willing to overlook the messy yard now?
So if you’re the stupid chick who is always bitching at him or bitching about him, knock it off. They don’t like it, and I don’t like hearing about it (from you or from your husband). Appreciate what you have. Maybe even do something nice for him. Men are so easy to please that it’s almost funny. And if you don’t believe me, believe Dave Chappelle at the 2:30 mark: