Chicks are Stupid

Bless Pinterest!  It has brought out the delusional in chicks yet again!

I’ve read a few pieces online (like this one) that talk about how Pinterest is going to create a phenomenon of cookie-cutter weddings.  And if you clicked on that link, you learned that the author believes this could “wreck” the bride’s big day.  She actually wrote “wreck”! Heh.

It can’t be that I am the only one who noticed that every wedding in the history of weddings has been identical to every other wedding in the history of weddings.  Brides, you’re not that delusional, are you?

Since graduating college, I’ve been to about 20 weddings.  I’ve been in five.  (Seven total, but five since college).  And since I can’t say “ALL WEDDINGS” without some fool responding to say “Um, actually at my wedding we did blah blah blah”, I’ll say 90% of these weddings were the same almost to the letter. 

In the late 90s/early 00s, every wedding played Shania Twain’s “From this Moment”.  Sleeveless or spaghetti-strap floor-length bridesmaids gowns must’ve been written into law (solid colors only!).  A few years into the new century, strapless dresses became the mandate much to the chagrin of this serial bridesmaid.  And in the last 5-7 years, I’ve seen countless dances to “Butterfly Kisses” and “In My Daughter’s Eyes”.  Shania, however, has since been replaced with that broken-road song. (Don’t know who sings it; too lazy to look it up) And after these tearjerkers, we’d all dance to “Celebration” and “We Are Family”.  I even went to three weddings that had the same DJ.  He made the same jokes at each wedding.  The three grooms were related and therefore had the same family.  The family politely laughed at the jokes as if hearing them for the first time.  Each wedding was pretty much a mirror image of the last.

And that’s ok. In fact, those things seemed almost a tradition.  Like the garter toss.

My concern is this: Do chicks think they’re being unique?  And that other brides are stealing your uniqueness from Pinterest?

Girls, you know you had the same wedding as everyone else, right?  Programs? Canon in D? I Corinthians? Some sort of candy party favor? Centerpieces that you probably stressed about but couldn’t pick out of a lineup today?  And then you lived happily ever after with your son Jaden/Hayden/Aidan/Braden/Caden and your daughter Madison/Addison.

People like the same shit.  The northwest part of metro Phoenix screams this fact.  Every house is almost identical.  If I had a wedding, I’m sure Jordan almonds and the Electric Slide would be involved. And I’m not annoyed by everyone liking the same shit as much as I’m annoyed to learn that people believed they were being different.  Maybe chicks just have tunnel-vision.

Whatever the reason, let’s not blame Pinterest for cookie-cutter weddings when they’re already the norm.  One wedding doesn’t have to be bigger and better than the next.  Don’t go bat-shit because another bride had the same ribbon on her favors.  This doesn’t “wreck” the wedding. Take comfort in knowing that no one gives a shit about that stuff.  The bride is the only one who has to like the stupid wedding.

The groom does not give a rip.